Q: Why cant Mexicans play uno? A: Because they always steal the green card.
Q: How can you tell a Mexican cock sucker? A: He’s the one spitting feathers.
Q: Have you heard about the Mexican 500 car race? A: The first car to start wins.
Q: Did you hear about the Mexican terrorist sent to blow up a car? A: He burned his mouth on the tailpipe.
Q: A black guy and a Mexican jump off a building, who dies first? A: Who cares?
Q: What is Mexican overdrive? A: Putting the car in neutral and rolling down a hill.
Q: What do you call a kid that’s half Mexican and half Polish? A: Retardo.
Q: Why are there no Mexican pharmacies? A: They can’t figure out how to put the little bottles in the typewriter.
Q: What do you call a Mexican queer? A: A senor eater.
Q: What do you call a little Mexican? A: A paragraph, because he’s not quite an essay.
Q: What do you call a Mexican picking cotton? A: A niggers job.
Q: What do a Mexican and a sperm have in common? A: Only one out of a million work.
Q: What are the three most difficult years in a Mexican’s life? A: Second grade.
Q: Why did the Mexicans have to move out of the house? A: Because they couldn’t figure out how to flush the pool.
Q: How many Mexican men does it take to do the washing up? A: None it’s women’s work!
Q: Why did the Mexican government cancel both drivers education sex education in school? A: The donkey died.
Q: What do you say to a Mexican in a three-piece suit? A: Will the defendant please rise!
Q: What do you call An Mexican with a dog ? A: A vegetarian !
Q: What Is The Best Boxing A Mexican Does? A: Oranges.
Q: How do you get a Mexican out of a bath tub? A: Throw in a bar of soap.
Q: What Do You Call A Building Full Of Mexicans? A: Jail.
Check out those great joke books for more ethnic jokes.
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Thiago Alves dominated the former UFC welterweight champion en route to a 2nd round TKO victory at UFC 83. The main event at UFC 85 in London was somewhat anticlimactic to the fans at the O2 Arena who considered the semifinal matchup between Manchester’s Michael Bisping and Jason Day the biggest fight on the card. Bisping actually improved upon his excellent showing against Charles McCarthy at UFC 83 and pummeled Day mercilessly from the top mount position until the fight was stopped.
Hughes didn’t make any excuses following his one sided loss, saying simply that hes a good fighter and he got me. The longtime king of the UFCs welterweight division also gave notice that his career as an active fighter was drawing to a close, suggesting that he had one fight left and challenging Matt Serra in what presumably would be his retirement match. Hughes had no answer for Alves from the opening horn, as he was stuffed on several takedown attempts early on. When he did finally get his opponent to the ground he was unable to do much damage. Alves, conversely, scored effectively with his striking including several damaging knee strikes. He also did considerable work on the ground, with an elbow strike opening up a large cut on Hughes forehead. Though he didnt get to his knees a la Georges St. Pierre, Alves did make a plea to Dana White for a title shot. His failure to make weight wont help his cause, however, and judging from the UFC Presidents incredulous smirk in response that opportunity wont be immediately forthcoming.
The end came early in the 2nd round as Hughes was caught coming in by a devastating knee strike. He fell to the canvas in a heap and referee Herb Dean was jumping in to stop the contest before Alves could follow up with any punches. As the ringside physician entered the ring to check on the fallen fighter, Hughes gave an indication that his knee was injured. Replays showed that his knee buckled under him in a very awkward fashion as he fell and while the extent of the damage is yet to be determined Hughes indicated in the postfight interview that it was messed up.
Michael Bisping simply overwhelmed Jason Day en route to a lopsided TKO victory. Bisping built upon the improved boxing skills he demonstrated at UFC 83 by unveiling an impressive ground and pound attack. Day never really got anything going and by the last minute of the fight was simply trying to cover up to prevent damage from Bispings elbows and hammer fists. Between his move down to the middleweight division and his improved technical striking skills, Bisping looks like a different fighter. His post UFC 83 suggestion that he wanted a fight with Anderson Silva seemed premature at the time, but following another devastating performance its starting to look much more realistic.
In other action, Mike Swick used an array of high kicks and a 7 reach advantage to coast to a unanimous decision over Marcus Davis. Davis, a former professional boxer, was unable to get inside against his lanky opponent and was never really in the fight. Like Bisping, Swick may have made an excellent career choice by moving down in weight. His height and reach, combined with a well rounded striking game, makes him a particularly different matchup at the lower weight.
A controversial point deduction for a strike to the back of the head cost Nate Marquardt his match against Thales Leites. Marquardt was solidly in charge for the entire fight, but suffered a point deduction for an illegal knee strike in round one. While that infraction was valid, replays of the 2nd round deduction for the strike to the back of the head gave the impression that he was penalized for a legal strike to the side of the head. The 2 point deduction changed the outcome of the fight, with Leites winning a split decision by the scores of 28-27, 28-27, 27-28.
In the opening PPV match, another controversial ending saw Fabrico Werdum defeat Brandon Vera by 1st round KO. The fight had been evenly contested up until the stoppage, with Werdum scoring a couple of takedown and Vera countering with some effective punching. Late in the first round, Werdum got a full mount and began to fire a series of punches. Vera was clearly defending himself and didnt appear to be hurt at all when the referee jumped in to stop the fight. Vera said that hed answered that he was OK when asked by ref Dan Miragliotta and that he was just trying to ride out the round from that position. Mirgliotta was also the referee in the Kimbo Slice/James Thompson fight, and some have suggested that matchup was also stopped prematurely.
Ross Everett is a widely published freelance sports writer and respected authority on sports betting odds comparison. He writing has appeared on a variety of sports sites including sportsbooks and sportsbook directory sites. He lives in Southern Nevada with three Jack Russell Terriers and an emu. He is currently working on an autobiography of former energy secretary Donald Hodell.
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You have heard about lucid dreaming and think it is something you would like to do. That is a good starting point but exactly how do you begin and what are the steps to being a successful lucid dreamer?
You also need to think about exactly why you want to become a lucid dreamer. What are the benefits of dreaming lucidly? To help us find the benefits, let us first look at ‘normal’ sleep.
Have you ever considered the process of sleep before? Every night you make preparations, crawl into bed and go to sleep. You may have dreams or nightmares or all may just be dark for a few hours, it is rather boring isn’t it?
Normal sleep just seems to serve the purpose of simply refreshing ourselves in order to live out the next day. But what if you could control that period of time that you have dreams?
What if rather than being an active observer, you can be the one who can lead your dream to be whatever you want, rather than your dream leading you? This is what a lucid dreamer is; someone who is in total control of their dreams; able to explore new worlds that are not bound to the physical, societal and time-space laws of the real world.
Are you are ready to begin but remain unsure of how any of this is possible? That is ok we are getting there, there are two way to enter lucid dream state. The first is a dream initiated lucid dream, (DILD). This happens once you have already begun to dream and during the dream, you come to the realization that you are indeed dreaming. At this point, you have brought an element of control to the dream because your conscious mind is now involved.
Another popular method is to have a wake initiated lucid dream (WILD); this is a straight shot from awake to asleep with no lapse in your consciousness. This is usually achieved by purposefully retaining awareness during the hypnagoogic state, which directly precedes sleep.
So, what methods are used to induce both of these kinds of lucid dream experiences?
Dream Recall
A simple place to start when you would like to lucid dream is in dream recall. This is where you can remember and perhaps recite your dream in part or in whole. You are very likely to have the same dream more than once in your life and being able to remember them will alert you the next time you have that particular dream.
To make dream recall easier you can keep a dream journal. This is a notebook or pad of paper that has the sole purpose of recording your dreams. Whenever you have a dream, you should write all you can remember in the journal as soon as you wake up. The longer you are awake the more details of the dream that will be lost.
Mnemonic Induction of Lucid Dreams (MILD)
Developed by Dr. Stephen LaBerge the idea is to tell your self to recall an object or situation from your dreams, before you go to sleep. You can look back to your dream journal for an example of a recurring them like a pink haired woman. Anything that when you see it in your dream will tell you that you are in fact dreaming.
Wake-Back-to-Bed (WBTB)
The process here is to go to sleep, doing nothing but setting your alarm to wake you up a few hours later (5 or 6). Once you wake up, DO NOT go back to sleep. Instead, do something else like read for a while, or think as much as you can about lucid dreaming for around an hour then go back to bed.
According to Stephen LaBerge, there is a 60% success rate of this technique. The reason why is that you would have woken up during the process of sleep, meaning that your mind is not fully aware of this, and are still in the middle of REM cycle. So basically, it’s like going to your mind and telling it that you want to lucid dream.
Cycle Adjustment Technique
This technique was created by Daniel Love, and involves setting an alarm that will wake you an hour and a half before you’d normally get up. Once you’re used to waking up early, alternate between the early alarm and your old alarm. When you’re waking up normally, your body will already be expecting the early alarm, and make you more likely to “wake up” in your dream.
Wake-Initiation of Lucid Dream (WILD)
When you consider all the methods and techniques wake initiated is by far the most intriguing way to enter lucid dreams. What you have to do is manage to keep the brain aware while the rest of you falls asleep. You can enter your dreams much like entering a theater. You go into watch the movie, set down and the light go down, (sleep) dark envelopes you just before the movements on the screen appear.
To get into this correct frame of mind if you will there are a few tricks you can use. Focus seems to be key so try to focus your mind on things like your breathing, counting, perhaps chant or meditate. In a way, you are practicing self-hypnosis. Use this technique when you are not extremely tired, perhaps during a late nap.
Technology has moved on in recent years, and there are various devices like dreaming masks and other scientific appliances which contain such things as strobe lights to induce lucid dreams.
Definitely the easiest and most reliable way of inducing a lucid dream however is by listening to binaural beats sound frequencies via headphones.
These work by synchronizing the two hemispheres of the brain and have the effect of almost instantaneously changing your brainwaves to the REM frequency needed for a lucid dream to occur.
Combined with the self hypnosis sessions and affirmations to prepare your subconscious mind beforehand, becoming a lucid dreamer is something that everyone can now experience!
The author Lesley Groft writes for the popular http://www.luciddreaminginfo.com site. You can enjoy the incredible experience of being a lucid dreamer and you can try it yourself when you get 29 Free lucid dreaming Audios when you visit here.
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